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A WINTER RECAP #3: GUNS!!! I mean, PERRY, IA.

May 8, 2010

Allow me to refresh those of you who may not have read the first of this series:

If the year of 1816 is known as The Year Without A Summer, then Los Angeles should be known as The City of Continual Summer.  (Like how I made that disparate connection?  And don’t you DARE do any word-play with the word “desperate”!)  The first year I lived here, it was wondrous.  I never had to worry about freezing temperatures, wind-chill factors or trying to knock ice off my wiper blades. Then I realized I lived in a bubble.  A big, filthy, smog-infused bubble.  I missed feeling and smelling the whispery changes in the air that signaled the coming of a different season.  So last year, I decided to make the least of the LA winter and head to colder territories whenever possible.

Los Angeles, CA winter: Average temps around 65 F, sunny and warm with intermittent showers three to four months out of the year.

Perry, IA winter: Average temps around 10 F (not considering wind-chill factors which easily drop that number into the negatives), cloudy and grey with intermittent snowstorms six months out of the year.  In other words…

WE’VE GOT A WINNER FOLKS!!!!

The month of March marked my visit to Perry, IA (or, Iowa for those of you who don’t know your state abbreviations).  I’ll be honest with ya…there isn’t much to do in Perry during the winter months except cure your meats, chop wood, wear at least 3 layers of clothing, and if it rains, go check out the awe-inspiring swelling of the Coon river.  Okay, okay…I’m JUST KIDDING.  J.K. my Iowans, J.K.!  (Except there really was a flood and I really did check it out…and yes, that really is the name of the river.)

There’s actually plenty to do in Perry during the winter, especially if you have the right equipment.  And by the RIGHT equipment, I mean GUNS.  Now, let me first add a DISCLAIMER:

  • NEVER operate a firearm on your own if you are new to this.  ALWAYS have someone who is experienced help you.  i.e., someone who has safely used a gun more than 10 separate times…notice I wrote,”… SAFELY USED a gun…”  Shooting other people, including themselves, is NOT a safe use of a firearm.
  • WEAR EARPLUGS.

Okay SO!  Although it is true, I played a bad-ass Henchgirl in a little movie called, REPO!  THE GENETIC OPERA, it is equally true that I had never used a real firearm before in my entire life.  Practicing with a broomstick and a tree is a far cry from pulling a trigger.  Thank goodness I had help.

For my first try, I fired a .45 caliber handgun.  Check it out below:

For my second try, I had the awesome chance to fire a 12 gauge shotgun…EXACTLY WHAT THE HENCHGIRLS USE!!!!! Witness my prowess below:

Now watch the yellow tag, but beware of obscenities:

Yes, I am a natural, but it’s time for the real pro:

After an hour of thrills and literal chills, it was time to go.  It only took TWO WEEKS for the low-fi buzzing in my ears to go away.  Hence, my 3rd disclaimer.  I thought that since we were outside, it wouldn’t make much of a difference.  Guess I made an ass of myself.

My very special thanks to MARK MICHAELSEN and MATT MICHAELSEN for making sure I didn’t shoot myself or anyone else.


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